Dharma Lessons — How to Embrace What Life Throws At You
My Sobering Story From Saturn Return
“I love you. Keep going.”
These are the words I heard recited over and again at my first Refuge Recovery meeting at Against the Stream, a Buddhist Meditation Society, in Los Angeles. The goal of this program is to create and sustain communities of healthy, accountable, wise and compassionate people from every walk of life. Refuge Recovery is a Buddhist inspired path from addiction to recovery, helping people get sober and thrive through mentorship and group conscience. Alcoholics Anonymous with a splash of Buddhism, if you will.
My friend since birth was the leader of the meditation and speaker for the evening, sharing his story of struggling with addiction since 13 years old, through getting sober at 17 years old, and how finding the Dharma changed his life. He is now 34 years old, sober, and Buddhist. He is a loving friend, an awakened soul, who has overcome very difficult times to share his message in an effort to help others along their journey through recovery.
My novice understanding of the Dharma’s message starts with the acceptance that life is difficult. There is nothing you can do to change that. This suffering in its many forms is a deep source of unhappiness, anxiety, self-consciousness, and depression. Once you learn to accept this as a noble truth, you can find a spiritual path to enlightenment.
Or, in layman’s terms, life is difficult, but it’s not your fault.
It’s not your responsibility to make life easy, to end suffering, to control your mind. Like your body breathes, your mind thinks. Meditation is the acceptance that your thoughts are not in your control and the practice of grappling your attention and focusing on your breath.
Let go and be free.
In America, he shares, we’re built on this idea of Freedom. The “Freedom To”.
The Freedom to speak. Freedom to own guns. Freedom to do this, or to do that. But what is true Freedom?
True freedom is “Freedom From”. Freedom from owning things. Freedom from going places. Freedom from thoughts run wild. How can you embrace suffering and live free?
My Sobering Story — A Tale of Two Men
As a twenty-something millennial living in a world of constant noise, from push notifications to bumper to bumper traffic, I’ve had anxiety-filled panic-induced “episodes” throughout my entire life. The youngest of four brothers, constantly trying to keep up with the older kids, the apple of my overbearing, Jewish parent’s eyes, I grew up in a house with people that adored and loved me to death. My parents and brothers would all agree I raised more hell in a few minutes than our young Rottweiler raised in the two weeks he was allowed in our house growing up. I lasted as a Rothstein longer than he did, mostly because of blood ties, but that’s probably why I got the nickname “Rottweiler” from some of my peers.
This constant need to go fast and prove that I wasn’t the slowest, shortest and dumbest in the clan led to an everlasting feeling of being restless, irritable and discontent. In my teens this meant never missing a party, always chasing the next girl, and out-drinking my beer-guzzling, high-fiending friends. My college years were more of the same. Whatever I could do to escape the stalemate in my mind. Don’t get me wrong, the times were fun and I was able to balance the challenges at Business School with the bottomless mimosas and double rolled doobies, earning a Bachelor Degree in Finance and Life of the Party.
After college, I joined a startup where I channeled my relentless attitude into work and growing a business while maintaining a swerving social life. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy? Burning the candle at both ends makes Jack disappear into the night is a better aphorism. When I left that company to start my own, I thought things would get better before they got worse. Now I was liberated. I was in control of my own destiny. Or so I thought. Even with 15 employees, I’d come to learn my own destiny was the last thing I could manage. See, I’m great at telling other people how to live, and trying to control situations in my life. But what I’ve come to realize is that I’m the last person who should control anything, especially my destiny.
I finally threw in the towel. I wanted to be something better. To make decisions that were in sync with my true destiny. It takes Saturn 29.5 years to travel around the Sun. When Saturn returned, he called me. He told me I could no longer coast through life on my youthful charm. I needed to build a stronger foundation if I wanted to grow up. I have close friends who didn’t get this wake-up call, may they rest in peace. The road I was traveling on was not my destiny. Luckily, I was given a second a chance and I don’t plan on screwing it up.
I got sober nearly 1 year, but today I celebrate 30 days once again. We slip, we fall, we accept. We move forward. That’s the sobering noble truth we must learn to accept. Life is difficult. The more you try to get your way the further you are from happiness. Liberate yourself from suffering, live ethically, and count your blessings.
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
In sobriety, we help others by sharing our story. Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth. Thanks for reading!
